weird

Something about the cool weather is making me blue. I think it's because I equate it with the holidays.....nothing like walking out of Dillards into the cool evening air, weighted down by bags full of stuff FOR ME to make me think of the holidays. (When I shop it's "one for me, one for you, two for me, one for you....")

Once I met this guy online...we met once, for coffee. The next day he called and left a message saying "I feel blue."

Oh NO. When I meet someone I don't want to know they feel blue for at least a couple of years. j/k ....but that was a little extreme, I thought. I don't deal with moody people well, and so have a fear of them, knowing that I somehow get changed myself in their presence. He ended up being a fruitloop anyway. Problem solved.
Anyway. As I try to figure out why I feel "blue" ....it's not even "blue" but just "weird"....as in more weird than usual....and was trying to put my finger on what it was about. I keep having flashblacks to shopping for Christmas decorations at Super Target last year. Last year I could buy whatever I wanted and put it wherever I wanted because it was mine mine mine. All about me. Actually it was more about endless possibilities, and I was in control. Never was I so excited about Christmas decorations....not since my first tree in my apartment after my divorce. The purple and pink one. Ok....the ornaments were purple, and the lights were SUPPOSED to be purple, but were SOOOO pink. What was supposed to be "Salute to TCU" become more blush and bashful. Somehow, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Anyway...it was mine, right or wrong......mine.

This year I don't have that feeling of endless possibilities, or control. There is SO much going on, and I feel like it is all controlling me, instead of me controlling it.

Shallow time...... I LOVE when I am at the gym and "Buttercup" comes on my flashplayer. My fave part of Something about Mary was the karaoke at the end ... set to "Buttercup." That song just makes me smile...regardless. I'm sure I am the only person in the world that has "Buttercup" on their flashplayer. Real men don't listen to "Buttercup."

I overheard someone's radio this a.m. with Kidd Kraddock. Talking about "Real Men." It was kinda irritating. Ok....my definition of a "real man" is someone who doesn't worry about eating quiche, or wearing pink, or jammin' to Buttercup on the elliptical....because they are secure in their identity, WHATEVER that might be.

:)